So... things aren't great. And it's just me really... a lot has happened since I last posted on here, but then it's nearing a year since I did last post. I guess I haven't wanted to... and I suppose I need to talk, but I don't want to talk to anyone, and nobody ever reads this anymore, and it's safer to write stuff on the internet than write it on a piece of paper where my mum could find it. I was seeing a psychiatrist, but turned out I couldn't trust her, and it's really knocked me... I struggle to trust people as it is, but now, I'm finding it really hard, and I'm getting so paranoid that everyone's plotting against me or something. Doesn't help that a friend of mine (I'm not gonna name anyone in case someone DOES read this, so I'll call her Amy) is becoming more distant from me... I tried to talk to her about stuff, even though I was scared to, and she just didn't seem to give a fuck. Back in year 10 & 11, I told her about how scared I was to finish high school and move on, because of everything that happened when I finished primary school and moved to high school, and she told me that she'd always be there for me and she'd never let it happen, but it IS happening and she's not there for me, she doesn't seem to want to know me anymore. I know whoever reads this will just say, oh, people move on, but you don't know the stuff I've told her over the years because she was the only person I felt I could trust and now I CAN'T trust her. I can't trust anyone, because they'll leave me, they always fucking do. I feel so alone, and right now I need to feel as not alone as possible, because I'm vulnerable, and even now, I'm realising I can't quite talk about it because if anyone reads this they'll think I'm a fucking freak, but I want to die and don't want to die at the same time, and I'm gonna end up killing myself if I can't sort myself out, but I can't because I can't trust anyone and I feel like nobody gives a fuck. So yeah. Maybe I'll die, and nobody will care.

Oh, and I'm in love, however much I deny it, I am. But I can't say who, because they'll never like me back.